Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

I was tired of trying and failing.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

Has anyone liked being made a cocksucker?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

What do you do you do if your motorcycle chain snaps while riding on the highway?

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

Was there any slavery of white people that actually compares to the transatlantic slave trade? I’m not baiting or anything actually genuinely curious and want to know.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

Why is my elder sister so mean?

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

This Week In Space podcast: Episode 165 — Guardians of Space - Space

I had run out of hope.

It’s here now, writing to you.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

If freedom of speech is absolute, how come it's not applied for private spaces and for the Internet?

It’s still here.

The sadness was still there.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

Mauricio Pochettino on Absent Christian Pulisic: 'Players Cannot Dictate the Plan' - FOX Sports

And the sadness?

Be who you already are.

I was tired of fighting.

What are the bitter truths of life one should know?

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

You are like me, then.

Why do I keep dreaming of my mom, who recently passed away from cancer, still being sick and in pain?

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.